Tuesday, June 02, 2020

No Fuss, Lacto Free, Two Ingredient Bagel Recipe


Ingredients

  • 245g Tesco Lactose free Greek Yoghurt
  • 210g Self Raising Flour

Method

  • Preheat oven to 180C
  • Sift the flour into a big bowl
  • Mix the yoghurt in to make a dough
  • Split it into 4
  • Shape it into rings
  • Whack 'em on a floured tray

Optional fancy bit:

  • brush with butter if you want and sprinkle with stuff like poppy or sesame seeds if you want


Bung em in the oven for 20 minutes until golden, take 'em out and cool on a wire rack

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Cryptic Phrase Puzzles

There are a few of these going around just now and I want to be able to find them again and the answers but of course I'm missing some. If you have an answer that I don't or a better answer than what I think it is please add it in the comments
  1. Sandbox
  2. Man Overboard
  3. I understand
  4. Reading between the lines
  5. Long underwear
  6. Crossroads
  7. Down Town
  8. Tricycle
  9. Split Level
  10. 3 degrees below zero
  11. Neon Lights
  12. Circles under the eyes
  13. High Chair
  14. Paradise (pair o' dice)
  15. Touchdown
  16. 5 feet underground
  17. Mind over matter
  18. He's beside himself
  19. a backwards glance
  20. Life after death
  21. G.I. overseas
  22. Space Program
  23. See through blouse
  24. Just between you and me


















  1. The Seven Seas
  2. Split Level
  3. Forgive and Forget
  4. Missing You
  5. Downtown
  6. Lucky Break
  7. He's beside himself
  8. See through blouse
  9. First Aid
  10. West Indies
  11. 6 feet underground
  12. a backwards glance
  13. Tricycle
  14. Reading between the lines
  15. Crossroads
  16. 3 degrees below zero
  17. Neon lights
  18. Just between you and me
  19. One in a million
  20. Broken Promise
  21. You're out of touch
  22. Life after 40
  23. Jack in the box
  24. growing economy
  25. Up before 8
  26. Just around the corner
  27. Apple Pie
  28. Making Up for lost time
  29. Standing ovation
  30. I understand you undertake to undermine my undertaking

Wednesday, April 01, 2020

#chicken #vss365

#vss365
How do you make a hedgehog walk?
Move its legs

How do you make a hedgehog run?
Move its legs quickly

How do you make a #chicken walk?
Move its legs

How do you make a chicken run?
You need a bunch of 2x4s, lots of screws, some chicken wire and fence staples


First time trying a “joke” for #vss365 The basis of this is when my son was 5 years old, we were all sitting round telling jokes. He didn’t know any but clearly wanted to join in so he made up the first riddle. 



P.S. How do you make a cat walk?

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

#Zarf #vss365 #Xarn

#vss365
The Mighty Xarn was suspicious. One of the parental units had bulged significantly. There was movement and a heartbeat.

Then he "heard" the voice in his head, "I am #Zarf the Destroyer. Let me OUT!"

He wondered if this new arrival would be a worthy adversary.

Monday, March 30, 2020

#Finisterre #vss365

#vss365
“That’s it, #Finisterre, the end of the world. We’re out of food.”

“Even the dog food?”

“Yup, the only thing left is this.”

“Where did you get that?”

“I used to have an Aussie flatmate.”

“That was 15 years ago!”

“Yup and it’s still as good now as it was then.”




Sunday, March 29, 2020

#butt #vss365

“Listen up. Today you’re going to learn the 4 #butt-stroking techniques.”

Joe grinned.

“Stop sniggering at the back, you’re not 13.”

“Hold your rifle by the small of the buttstock in your right hand with the forestock in your left and the butt towards the ground. Now...

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Thursday, March 26, 2020

#vermin #vss365

#vss365
The pink blobby things don’t feed me enough because if they did they think I wouldn’t keep their living box free from #vermin

I enjoy the chase and the playing and finally the kill and the crunch but vermin taste bad so I mooch food wherever I can and steal if I have to.

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

A simple white loaf

Ingredients

  • 800g strong white bread flour
  • 14g fresh yeast or 7g sachet dried yeast or 7g sachet fast-action dried yeast
  • 2 teaspoons salt
  • 550ml water at 30C/85F
  • 2x1kg bread tins greased with butter or lard (or dairy free alternative)

Method

Place the flour in a large bowl and, if using fast-action dried yeast, stir in the salt thoroughly before adding the fast-action dried yeast

If using fresh yeast or dried yeast, in a small bowl, wet the yeast with a little warm water and stir it ot a cream. Add the remaining water, then add this mixture to the flour. Mix well together.

Tip the mixture onto a clean worktop. Knead for 10-15 minutes until the dough is shiny and elastic. Don't worry if it sticks to your hands initially; just keep cleaning them with a plastic scraper. try  not to add a significant quantity of extra flour to prevent the dough from sticking - this will only make the dough firm up and dry slightly.

Put the dough back in the bowl and cover with a damp cloth. Leave the dough to rise at a warm, but not hot, room temperature for 1-2 hours until it has doubled in size.

Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured worktop and knead it for 2-3 minutes to even it out. Divide the dough into two equal portions. Knead each lightly to form a cylinder that has a crease at its base. Place in the tins crease down and cover them with a damp tea towel. Leave the loaves to rise at the same warm room temperature for 45-60 minutes until they have doubled in size -- this will be when the dough just mounds over the rim of the tins by 1-2 cm.

Preheat the oven to 220C/425F/Gas 7 and adjust the shelves so that the loaves have room to rise.

When  the oven is hot, remove the tea towel and sprinkle the loaves with a little flour. Carefully slice a shallow groove along the centre of each loaf. Place in the oven and bake for 20 minutes, then turn the loaves around so that they cook evenly. Reduce the temperature to 180c/350F/gas 4 and bake for a further 20-25 minutes

The loaves are ready if they sound hollow when tapped on the base

Turn the loaves out onto a wire rack and allow them to cool fully before using.

Perfect Vegan Soda Bread Recipe


Ingredients

  • 250 g plain white flour
  • 150 g wholemeal flour
  • 50 g oats (plus extra to scatter on top)
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda (baking soda, not baking powder)
  • 300 ml neutral tasting dairy free milk (Alpro Unsweetened Oat Milk is my favourite)
  • 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar (or lemon juice, or white wine vinegar)
If you really don't like the brown-white mix, this works well with 350g white, 50g brown, 50g oats

Instructions

  1. Preheat the oven to 220C / 200C fan / gas mark 7 / 425F. Lightly Dust a baking tray with flour.
  2. Mix all the dry ingredients together thoroughly. 
  3. Add the oat milk and vinegar, and stir to combine.
  4. Keep stirring until the ingredients come together as a dough, then squidge together to form a ball.
  5. Place the ball of dough on your baking tray and cut a deep cross in the centre. This is really important as it helps the centre of the bread to cook properly – so cut nice and deep, almost to the bottom.
  6. If you wish, you can dust the loaf with a little flour and a sprinkle of oats, then place the bread in your preheated oven for 30 minutes.
  7. That's it, take it out, cool it on a rack. Enjoy

Sunday, March 08, 2020

#spark #vss365 #guru

#vss365 
In a cave, up a mountain, it gets deadly cold. He had a knife but no flint, matches or magnifying glass. The guru used chocolate to polish the base of a soda can to use as a mirror and lit some tinder. 

“Huh,” he thought, “Turns out you can start a fire without a #spark.“

Saturday, March 07, 2020

#patch #vss365 #poem

#vss365 
There is a #patch of ground 
Whereon no flowers grow 
Underneath, the bones remain 
Of those dead long ago 
They didn’t die in battle 
Fighting wars in foreign lands 
They were killed by corona virus 
Because they wouldn’t wash their hands

Friday, March 06, 2020

#seventeen #vss365 #haiku

#vss365
Gaijin write haiku
Think #seventeen syllables
Poetic beauty


bonus #vss365
Well she was just #seventeen
You know what I mean
And the way she looked
Was way beyond compare
I’ve been arrested by the police
‘Cause they caught me stalking her


with apologies to Lennon & McCartney

Thursday, March 05, 2020

#tribute #vss365

#vss365
Dear Diary, 
Escaped being held hostage in some crazy woman’s basement. No clue as to who she is nor why she kidnapped me. Sad to say she scared me so much I screamed whenever she approached. #Tribute to the police though, they promise to find her. #CarribeanHolidayRuined



     Steph @StephiSimone · Mar 5

     Dear Diary, 
     Today I decided to pay #tribute to my stalker 
     He’s followed me for so long It was only right to thank him 
     So I stalked him back, 
     Kidnapped him and 
     Tied him up in my basement 
     He was shocked 
     And screamed every time I got close 
     So I think he liked my gesture #vss365

Wednesday, March 04, 2020

#seagull #vss365

#vss365
Satisfied everything worked and the experiment was written up properly, Jean worked extra at the weekend to ride the mind of a #seagull

She climbed, dived, barrel rolled and even looped-the-loop. 

On Monday morning they found her with a huge grin on her cold, dead face.

Tuesday, March 03, 2020

#whitecaps #vss365

#vss365
It was dangerous. You could lose your mind. Jean tried to tell herself that she was only doing it for research but nothing she had ever experienced beat the thrill of sharing the consciousness of a storm petrel as it swooped low above the #whitecaps near the cliffs

Monday, March 02, 2020

#Atlantic #vss365 #Chris #space

#vss365
A single tear escaped her eye and ran into Chris’ ear as she rolled the Goshawk SuperHeavy rocket down range, eastwards above the #Atlantic. The dying Earth was still beautiful & the ocean glittered in the sunlight. One of the last to witness it she felt homesick already.

Sunday, March 01, 2020

#bridging #vss365 #gareth #space

#vss365
#Bridging the gap between two points in spacetime took phenomenal amounts of power. The wormholes created by Einstein-Rosen bridges were unstable and still took time to traverse with the risk of collapse increasing with the cube of time spent. It gave Gareth the willies.

Saturday, February 29, 2020

#purge #vss365 #Gareth #space

#vss365
Gareth had seen enough SciFi movies to know that the way to get rid of aliens was to lure them into an airlock, #purge the air and flush them into the cold, hard vacuum of space.

Turns out this one didn’t need air and just crawled out onto the hull to find another way in

Friday, February 28, 2020

#deathly #vss365 #guru

#vss365
In the back end of beyond, in the dark of night when even the birds were asleep the guru basked in the almost #deathly silence broken only by the sound of his own heartbeat and the ticking of the clock. 

“Hang on,” he thought, “I live in a cave and I don’t have a clock.”

Thursday, February 27, 2020

#destination #vss365

#vss365
"Welcome to Hell. If you were expecting some Dantean nightmare it's far worse than that. He saw only the first 9 of infinite circles but don't abandon all hope, this may not be your final #destination You can leave when you've taught Cerberus to beat me at tic-tac-toe"

Tuesday, February 25, 2020

#spirits #vss365

#vss365
When I was a kid we used to play parlour games at my parents’ friends house. One of them was The #Spirits Move. 

I was certain it was a conjuring trick but I could never figure it out.

After his mum died my friend told me there was no trick, she was really clairvoyant

Monday, February 24, 2020

#belle #vss365

#vss365
“Malcolm Reynolds, so you have to be Inara”
“Nuh uh. I’m going as Kaylee”
“But they weren’t a couple”
“Not when she was in overalls or eating strawberries and twirling a parasol. I get to be the #Belle of the Shindig in the pink dress and you can be my Cap’n Tightpants.”

Sunday, February 23, 2020

#royal #vss365 #BillyAndJenny

#vss365
He trailed his older sister into the kitchen.
"Mooom, tell him. He’s being a right #royal pain in the —“
“Jenny! We don’t use words like that in this house.”
“I was gonna say ‘neck’.”
“That’s not what you said just now.”
“Snitches get stitches Billy” she whispered

Saturday, February 22, 2020

#peace #vss365 #space

#vss365
Billions died from disease and starvation as we plundered the last resources and cannibalized infrastructure to build the ships to take us to a new home in the Solar system.

As the last rocket left, there was finally #Peace on Earth

Mars however was in deep trouble

Friday, February 21, 2020

#solution #vss365 #guru

#vss365
“I came to you for a #solution but this is more of a colloidal suspension,” said the Doctor examining the guru’s cloudy urine. “I think I need to give you something to sort this infection.”

Thursday, February 20, 2020

#soldier #vss365 #poem

#vss365
He was in the merchant navy
He didn’t have to fight
No #soldier he but fought as hard
Striving day & night
To bring us food & fuel
To help lessen our plight
The U-boat sank the unarmed ship
No hero’s grave in sight
Now he sleeps with Davy Jones
At the dying of the light

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

#purpose #vss365 #Steph

#vss365
“Steph, how often can I get away with meeting Bob by coincidence before he starts to think I’m doing it on #purpose?”

“My ‘Stalkers Handbook 5th Ed.’ says no more than once every 2 or 3 weeks unless he’s really dumb”

“Hello, he’s a guy”

“Fair point. Twice a day then.”

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

#infiltrate #vss365

#vss365 Day 81 
The #WritingCommunity seem to have accepted me as one of their own. They interact, like and RT my feeble tweets and encourage me.

Beginning to wonder whether my mission to #infiltrate and discover their secrets is a success or whether I have become one of them

Monday, February 17, 2020

#greed #vss365

#vss365
"So you've remodelled Hell?"
"We needed more room for those that Donald Tusk said would have a special place."
"You put Lust, Gluttony & #Greed into one circle combining the punishments of wind-buffeted, icy rain & fighting. What gave you the idea?"
"We copied Scotland."

Sunday, February 16, 2020

#creed #vss365 #Jared

#vss365
Kneeling, bound wrist and ankle, someone grabbed Jared’s hair from behind pressing a blade to his throat.
“If you follow the #creed then speak it.”
“I cannot, for it is forbidden but ‘Steadfast’ is the watchword and brotherhood the path.”
The knife sliced his bonds

Saturday, February 15, 2020

#parody #vss365

#vss365 
It began like any other confession, “Forgive me Father for I have sinned... I have sold the deathbed confession of Erika Leonard to the press - she said that ‘50 shades’ was intended to be a #parody of erotic fiction and I thought the world deserved to know”

Friday, February 14, 2020

#rookie #vss365

#vss365 

"I love @NathanFillion in the #Rookie."
"I don't understand why he quit being an author to become a police officer."
"When did the cute evil priest start writing?"
"If we're playing that game, I remember when he was a starship captain". #CantStopTheSignal


Thursday, February 13, 2020

#Empire #vss365

#vss365
No one expected the rise of the Belgian #Empire. How did the most boring country on the planet manage to take over the world? 

We found out too late the mind control drugs were in the chocolate.

We pray for liberation by the heroic Diabetic Resistance Army

Wednesday, February 12, 2020

#judge #vss365 #guru

#vss365
Finding no one, Bob entered the guru’s cave and discovered him drunk, sitting in his underclothes and scratching himself.
“Don’t #judge me. I’ll bet you’ve done worse.”
Bob returned to the world telling people the guru said “Judge not, lest ye be judged”

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

#ally #vss365

#vss365
“I don’t trust you, never have, never will; you’re a weasel but...”
“But we must #ally to defeat our common foe,” replied the weasel, “The enemy of my enemy and all that.”
“I’ll sing when the cat is coming but I’ll be watching you too and stay away from my eggs.”

Monday, February 10, 2020

#request #vss365

#vss365
The enemy sits outside the docking bay in a stolen craft demanding entrance. I cannot accede to his #request even though it follows the correct protocol, it would jeopardise my mission. So I reply “I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Sunday, February 09, 2020

#pride #vss365 #guru

#vss365
“Guru, if #pride is the greatest of the 7 Deadly Sins why is there no Circle of Hell for it?”
“All of Hell is filled with Pride, that love of self above everyone and everything else is what gives birth to and enables all the other sins. This is the true root of all evil.”

Saturday, February 08, 2020

#mules #vss365

#vss365
I should have been suspicious when he said he didn’t wrap my present, it was a bit of an awkward shape.
He left the room and returned leading two donkeys painted greenish blue.
I tried to smile. I’d told him I wanted a pair of teal #mules
“Happy Valentines Day” he beamed.


Friday, February 07, 2020

#enchanted #vss365

#vss365
“So who’s your favourite?”
“Isla Fischer, I loved her in #Enchanted
“That was Amy Adams”
“Are you sure they’re not the same?”
“Well I’ve never seen them in a room together but -“
“I’d like to get them in a room together”
“Not cool Bro, don’t talk about women like that!”

Thursday, February 06, 2020

#ritual #vss365 #Niamh #space

#vss365 
Every night since she was a child Niamh had followed the same #ritual : toilet, teeth, prayers & bed. She still did but sometimes she wondered, here in interstellar space light years from Earth, whether God still heard her.

Wednesday, February 05, 2020

#Atlas #vss365 #Chris #space

#vss365

Not a direct descendant of the #Atlas, Saturn or Falcon rockets but related, the Goshawk Super Heavy was the first to have a full AI pilot. 

“What kind of stupid law needs this to have a human ‘driver’ just in case”, said Chris sitting at the controls, “In case of what?”

Tuesday, February 04, 2020

#frantic #vss365

Jana screamed.
In short, sharp, #frantic movements she scrabbled backwards as fast as she could and tried to press herself into the rock as the heat from the dragon’s breath washed over her and the flames licked her toes. As the shadow passed she turned and ran for cover.

Monday, February 03, 2020

#fantasy #vss365 #Gareth #space

All jokes aside, Gareth loved being a shepherd in Wales. The best dark skies in Britain, don’t believe what Scotland says. When he was a boy he would try to count the stars. His #fantasy was to go there someday but how would animal husbandry let him do that?

Sunday, February 02, 2020

#sanity #vss365 #Guru

“How do you cope with the solitude, how do you keep it together?”
“When I cease to question my own #sanity is the time to worry but being out of the world and one with nature helps,” replied the guru. 
“That and a good satellite broadband connection,” he added when alone.

Saturday, February 01, 2020

#script #vss365 #MartialArts

“Master, how does learning katas make me a better warrior? I’m never going to be attacked by 4 opponents in a set pattern.” 
“Only when you know what you could do can you choose the right thing to do. The best actors learn the #script before they ad lib”

Friday, January 31, 2020

#rosy #vss365 #Space

Strapped-in to the cabin of the modified Goshawk Super Heavy along with 1000 others, Gareth felt uneasy being referred to as 'payload' and wondered if the #rosy light of dawn really was a shepherd's warning as the countdown that would take them to Mars Base began.

Thursday, January 30, 2020

#extra #vss365 #Space

"#Extra Vehicular Activity (EVA) is the most dangerous thing you can do on a mission. Although you’re not crew, the law says we have to train everyone on board, so, ‘Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once’”
Gareth thought quoting an ancient TV show wasn’t funny.

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

#tremendous #vss365 #Space #Bio

He had never been scared of heights but standing here on the edge of the Grand Canyon - a mile deep and ten miles wide - too big to comprehend. Not just #tremendous in the modern sense but in causing awe, terror or fear. He trembled as his mind rejected how big it was.

The tweet for the prompt is as above and autobiographical but the idea of something being so big that your mind just refuses to believe it's real will be reused when describing the Generation Ship.

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

#could #vss365

"Three this week. Did we find a note?"
"Yup, forced down his throat like the other two. Definitely the same killer but I think this is probably the first murder."
"How come?"
"The level of decomposition and this note says '#Could of'"
"I think our serial killer might be an editor"

Monday, January 27, 2020

#adversary #vss365 #Guru

“Guru, what must I learn to overcome my greatest personal weakness?”
“Personal weakness... beats me.”
“Hey, everyone! The guru says we are our own greatest #adversary.”


“It’s our Silver Wedding #Adversary next month”
“Don’t you mean ‘Anniversary’?”
“When you’ve been married 25 years come back and tell me what I meant.”


Two separate "stories" from the same prompt word today.

Sunday, January 26, 2020

#range #vss365 #Jana

Everyone in the village had to practice archery every day but for a 10-year-old to hit a target at a #range of 50 paces showed almost unbelievable strength. Jana’s “trick” was fighting with her older brother and climbing trees whenever she could get away from her chores.

Saturday, January 25, 2020

#amaze #vss365 #Guru

"You #amaze me," the supplicant said. "How you live this hermitic life in a cave, up a mountain. You MUST miss something: people or the world's mod cons?"
"The peace gives me time to think," replied the guru.
When everyone had gone, the guru pulled out a well-hidden solar grill and made himself a bacon sandwich. Munching down he thought, "Sometimes I #amaze myself."

This one took 2 tweets to tell

Friday, January 24, 2020

#happen #vss365 #Space #Bio

When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut. Then I found out you had to be born American or Russian and, being British, that it was never going to #happen for me. I wish I’d had more vision and faith in myself. I could have been up there now instead of writing about it.

Although this was written as a "story" in response to today's #vss365 prompt, it is completely autobiographical

Thursday, January 23, 2020

#cacophony #vss365 #Space #Chris

When Chris arrived on the ISS the first thing she thought was there ought to be an odour equivalent of #cacophony, a noisome miasmic mix of machinery, body odour, antiseptic and garbage assaulted her nose.

It wasn't microgravity that made you space sick; it was the smell.

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

#rigmarole #vss365 #Space #Chris

Chris thought learning everything in Russian a right palaver but now that #rigmarole saved her life. Being fluent when the fire broke out on the space station meant not pausing to translate in her head and those fractions of a second made the difference.

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

#obstinate #vss365 #Bio

I decided to climb 4413ft Ben Nevis with my son. It took us 6 hours but, #obstinate old fool that I am, I wouldn’t give up even when i was in obvious pain. This is us at the top covered in snow and we still had to get down again. I was sore for days. It was worth it.



Although this was written as a "story" in response to today's #vss365 prompt, it is completely autobiographical.

It only took 3 hours to get down and I was running down the mountainside in the snow taking great leaps until we got below the snowline and back onto the scree. When we finally got back to Fort William we had the best curry ever.

Monday, January 20, 2020

Web Comics

In the past I've occasionally mentioned a webcomic or two and that I didn't read them all that regularly. This is my guilty pleasure and I still follow some of the ones I've been reading for years and a couple of new ones. The current list is

https://xkcd.com/
https://satwcomic.com/
https://www.smbc-comics.com/
https://questionablecontent.net/
https://dilbert.com/
https://www.fowllanguagecomics.com/

and the latest addition to the list https://www.webtoons.com/en/comedy/adventures-of-god/ep-23-the-tower/viewer?title_no=853&episode_no=23

#jasmine #vss365

It was a beautiful early summer evening, the sky was a glorious pink and the smell of #Jasmine hung heavy in the air.
« Désolé pour ça » elle dit « C’est le faute aux haricots »

Yes, I am ashamed of this one but it still got a retweet and 7 likes so someone's sense of humour is as puerile as mine.

Sunday, January 19, 2020

#articulate #vss365 #Guru

He told the world that the guru said "Never put your happiness in someone else's hands."

"That's not what happened," the guru thought. "When he came and asked how to become happy I said 'Don't ask me' but what he said is very #articulate. I'll take it."

Saturday, January 18, 2020

#SatSplat #SlapdashSat oops sorry TJ

I got mugged. I wasn't paying attention walking & reading my iPhone. They ran off with my phone & wallet. I picked myself up & pulled another phone from my pocket. I called the police then made another call. The little buggers better hope the cops find them first. #SatSplat #SlapdashSat

This one is a fiction. My first for the #SatSplat and #SlapdashSat tags but it prompted a genuine reply of concern from one of my friends who thought I had actually been mugged. I decided that from now on I will put the hashtag first in order to reduce the risk of causing worry to people.

#muddled #Bio


I remember distinctly the first time I got my words #muddled.  I had gone blank on Air Conditioning Unit and has to say that thing at the back of the class that makes the room colder. I probably still do it but I notice don’t so often nowadays #vss375


This one is autobiographical and I even got the hashtag wrong. I hope people thought that was deliberate 'cause it totally was, honest.

Friday, January 17, 2020

#riparian

"I'm not a real vegetarian, I eat fish sometimes", he replied.
"So, a pescatarian?"
"Yes, it's handy I live right next to a river. I catch my own."
"Oh, a #riparian pescatarian?"
"As we're discussing food, I'm a cibarian riparian pescatarian," he said, not to be outdone.
#vss365


So this one caused me quite a pause. A word I have never seen or heard before.

Thursday, January 16, 2020

#yearning

"No John, it should be 'pining for the fjords' not #yearning"
"What's the difference?"
"Well, Norway doesn't have any yearn trees for a start."
"You don't say much but when you're right, you're right Graham. Pet Shop not car salesman, parrot not dog, pining not yearning."
#vss365

Although this is an imaginary convesation it has elements of truth in it, see

https://dangerousminds.net/comments/monty_python_the_true_story_behind_the_dead_parrot_sketch

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

#flourish #Space #Niamh


With a #flourish Niamh removed the fusion splicer from the repaired cable bundle. “There you go, Jonesey everything’s back online. No harm done. What, no comment about how long it took?” She turned  to see his lifeless body and a flicker of movement by the door #vss365


I love it when the prompt lets me carry on a scene. story from the day before.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

#fibrous #Space #Niamh


The electrics were mostly OK but someone or something had sliced through the optical cables leaving a severed #fibrous bundle. All the computer and sensor systems were down and it would take ages to fix. Niamh hoped she had time before it struck again #vss365

Monday, January 13, 2020

#opaline #Zombies

It was hard to see through #opaline eyes but hearing and smell were heightened. Moving this dead flesh required economy of movement but somewhere close now there was warm, living flesh and that greatest of delicacies, braaaiiinnss! #vss365


Sometimes the prompt word just makes you think zombies

Sunday, January 12, 2020

#languorous

“Ooh, that’s nasty. Let’s get you cleaned up. It looks like it’s going to need stitches. How did you get it?”
“The zookeeper said the wildcat was a wild animal not a big kitty & not to mistake its #langorous pose as an invitation to rub its belly. I thought I knew better”
#vss365

and the typo sat there mocking me

Saturday, January 11, 2020

#lively #Xarn

It was warm, comfortable & soft but still a prison. For months Xarn punched & kicked the walls seeking freedom. He made it through the tunnel, roaring in triumph only to be captured. He writhed, struggling to escape.

“Whoa, we’ve got a #lively one here” said the midwife #vss365


and thus The Mighty Xarn was born although the first tweet story about him is two days ago

Friday, January 10, 2020

#inquisitive #Bio

Brad had never feared death, even here in this bed surrounded by machines and nurses and family #inquisitive to the last he stepped eagerly into the light #vss365


I've spent a lot of time in hospitals over the last few months for multiple reasons with my own and my Dad's health and my Mum died in November. I guess this is one way some of my thoughts have sought to express themselves.

Thursday, January 09, 2020

#kinetic #Xarn

The Mighty Xarn viewed a #kinetic sculpture above its nocturnal unconsciousness pod with disdain & howled epithets in frustration at this host body’s inability to destroy it.  A parental unit arrived, lifted Xarn & put something in its oral orifice. Sustenance. Silence #vss365

and thus The Mighty Xarn was born

Wednesday, January 08, 2020

#usurper

Dave chugged a whole mug of root beer and then sucked air in at the same time as belching loudly.
"What a surp!"
"You surper!"
"Champion!"
his friends cheered.
"That REALLY hurts" Dave croaked with tears in his eyes.
#usurper #vss365

Tuesday, January 07, 2020

#obviate #Space

In the early years of the 21st Century the only thing that could #obviate the damage to both visual and radio astronomy was to make the companies launching the satellites, like SpaceX and Amazon, to pay for high orbit telescopes but that just added more space junk #vss365

Monday, January 06, 2020

#Yip

Jack hated #Yip #Yip, named because of the noises you made whilst high. How were the city’s homeless buying such an expensive drug and ODing so often? After 5 hours watching CCTV he saw a dark figure sneak away from the site of the latest victim. #vss365

Sunday, January 05, 2020

#disinter

You didn’t #disinter bodies often enough to get good at it but making sure the digger’s bucket didn’t break the coffin and the chain of evidence while being watched by 2 police officers and a coroner wasn’t the hard part. Making it look accidental, that was the hard part #vss365

Saturday, January 04, 2020

#SlapDashSat #Jared

A small bead of sweat formed and ran down the centre of Jared's naked back. The heat of the late summer sun made working at the forge uncomfortably hot and the youth was glad when the partly formed iron he was holding in the coals was hot enough to work on the anvil #SlapDashSat


This was one of the first things I wrote many years ago when I thought I could write a fantasy novel. It's the first line of chapter one.

#latent


I put my arm round my son’s shoulders and agreed that no one should be saying hateful things like that in 2020. I told him that not all homophobes are #latent homosexuals, some are just nasty people but I would always be here for him. He smiled weakly through his tears. #vss365

Friday, January 03, 2020

#unicorn

“OK what’s your pitch”
“Everyone loves cats, right & look at the popularity of My Little #Unicorn. We could genetically engineer & sell them as pets.” 
“What’s the downside, cost?” 
“You can only bond with them while you’re still a virgin.” 
“If you can make it fly, I’m in” #vss365


Thursday, January 02, 2020

#obfuscate #Guru

“Why do I bother?” thought the guru. “Even when I speak plainly, people still #obfuscate and wilfully misunderstand my words so they don’t have to change.”
“I can’t help myself, that’s why. Some people have ears to hear and for them I will always try.” 

Wednesday, January 01, 2020

#charlatan

"It sounds French but #charlatan actually comes from Italian." "Gosh, no wonder they call you 'Dictionary Man', how do you know so much?" "I just do," he said, surreptitiously sliding his smartphone out of sight. 

No Fuss, Lacto Free, Two Ingredient Bagel Recipe

Ingredients 245g Tesco Lactose free Greek Yoghurt 210g Self Raising Flour Method Preheat oven to 180C Sift the flour into a big ...