Thursday, February 24, 2005

Astronomers spot first ever dark galaxy | The Register

I do a little bit of Astronomy so the artists impression of this Astronomers spot first ever dark galaxy The Register really impressed me.

Homophobia

I was talking to a colleague about time managment skills and they mentioned that they had been on a "life changing" training course which was "absolutely wonderful". They followed up the praise by saying "and if that ends up on your website I'll stab you in the eye with this pencil".

Well, that's just like waving a red rag to a bull (or putting a fuschia handkerchief in your right-hand back pocket) to me. I have no idea why he thought that would be a suitable comment for a gayblog. What's gay about a life changing experience at a training course? Unless of course he is unreasonably homophobic and we all know what that means.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Left out in the cold

The head tosser (by which I mean the person who tossed his head, not anything else) must've missed gay t-shirt Friday because today he came in wearing the gayest jumper: a cashmere v-neck pullover with 4 inch horizontal stripes of pastel grey and pink.

All I did was take one look at him and he said, "Don't say anything, I don't care what I look like. I've been ill and this is snuggly".

I didn't have to say anything, he knew.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Earl Gay anyone?

When you work in a team you make teas and coffees for each other.

One of the greatest evils in the working world is "the single wet" where you go to the coffee machine and get yourself a drink without asking anyone else if they want one.

Today one of the guys not only got himself a "single wet" but came back announcing that he decided it was "Gay Teatime" by which he meant he was drinking Earl Grey Tea.

I wouldn't have noticed but our team senior had his GAYDAR switched on and made an issue out of it. So, it's not just me.

Monday, February 21, 2005

A Pain in the Neck

OK, so we get homework from French class. No-one does it, right! It's a rule.

Guess what? The new guy has not only done his homework but it turns out he has covered his house in Pink and Yellow Post-it® Notes for feminine and masculine objects to help him remember which is which.

Oh yeah. We were learning parts of the body and "the neck " is "le cou" which sounds to me like "coo". If you get the pronunciation a little wrong you say "le cul" which sounds to me like "cue" since you don't pronounce the final "l". So a pain in the neck is "une douleur dans le cou" but "une douleur dans le cul" is a pain in the arse. How funny is that?

Friday, February 18, 2005

Gay T-Shirt FRIDAY!

Apparently today is gay t-shirt Friday and no-one told me. About 5 guys at the office have all (independently) arrived in some of the gayest t-shirts I've seen for a while.

Bumblee Bee man is wearing a midnight blue number with random silver horizontal strike-throughs.
There are a number of pink numbers in evidence which were "bought that way" and not a laundry accident.
Our hero is wearing the BRIGHTEST ORANGE I have ever seen and someone is wearing a T with the words "Badger Bash" emblazoned across the front. He says it's not a euphemism for anything but was the name of a party he went to. When pressed he was very coy about what went on at the "party", however, the badger bash site has this picture. If that's not phallic I'm a Dutchman.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Pot and the Kettle

Apparently I have a gay ringtone and my colleagues are complaining. What's wrong with the opening bars of Shania Twain's "Man I Feel Like a Woman"?

In deference to hordes of miserable gits I intend to change it.

Can anyone lend me a sample from Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive"; or possibly, The Weather Girls' "It's Raining Men"; or C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)"; or finally and at a push, the Village People's "Y.M.C.A."

Monday, February 14, 2005

My Funny Valentine

Today, our hero joined my French class for the first time and one of the things we do at the start of each class is discuss, in French, what we have been doing since the last lesson.

Today being Valentines day we were talking about cards and flowers.

The newbie claims not to have given or received any since he does not have "un ami". I think he meant "une amie" (or more accurately "une petite amie" [meaning girlfriend]) but that's not what he said and when questioned about it he blushed furiously. Maybe he's gender confused or maybe he's still got a lot to learn in French; who knows? It was still funny.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Zoo tempts gay penguins to go straight

OK, so it's nothing to do with our normal subject but I couldn't resist this snippet from Ananova. Thanks to Grom for bringing it to my attention.

What's the French for "arse"?

The company I work for provides French Language classes for its employees and "mon collègue" has been taking classes for a few months. This week he decided that he wanted to join my (slightly more advanced [but only because we've been doing it for longer] class).


He gave some cock-and-bull story about getting the wrong gender on a French word and shocking our teacher by saying "arse" when he meant "queue". He claims the two words are pronounced the same but with "La" for one and "Le" for the other.


A little research shows that "le queue" (meaning queue) is pronounced to rhyme with "deux" (meaning two) and "la cul" (meaning arse) is pronounced like "coo" or "kuh" and is supposed to be particularly offensive.


What are they doing in his class so that the word for "arse" was necessary?

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle

I am beginning to get worried that the very act of attempting to monitor the subject's behaviour has changed it. There has been no recent evidence of the previously exhibited gayness. Indeed I am concerned for the subject's health and well-being as he has been taking less and less interest in his appearance over the last few days. His normally immaculately trimmed beard is unkempt, his hair unwashed, the normal levels of sartorial elegance drastically reduced.

There is evidence however of a spread to other men in the office who have been in close proximity to the subject. It is not clear yet whether the increase in gay clothing (tightly fitted pink and grey striped t-shirt) or gay mannerisms (hand on hip and head tossing when answering a question) is because of a previously existing condition.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Vikings

OK, so, in our weekly team meeting this morning one of the guys mentioned that he was taking his kids to the Jorvik Viking Festival and our hero just happened to mention that if anyone was interested he could tell them which pub to go in so they could drink with Real Vikings afterwards.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Birthday Cake

Today was our hero's birthday.

Everyone else brings in cakes or biscuits or something that they bought from a shop - even muffins and pizza have been seen in the past. What does he who shall not be named do? Only spends all the previous two evenings at home making Cornflake Crispies (both Dark and White Chocolate), Banana Muffins, Chocolate Muffins and yes FAIRY CAKES!! All with his own fair hands.

In case you're interested I thought the Chocolate Muffins were a bit dry but the white chocolate cornflake crispies were to die for!!