Tuesday, March 31, 2020

#Zarf #vss365 #Xarn

The Mighty Xarn was suspicious. One of the parental units had bulged significantly. There was movement and a heartbeat.

Then he "heard" the voice in his head, "I am #Zarf the Destroyer. Let me OUT!"

He wondered if this new arrival would be a worthy adversary.

Monday, March 30, 2020

#Finisterre #vss365

“That’s it, #Finisterre, the end of the world. We’re out of food.”

“Even the dog food?”

“Yup, the only thing left is this.”

“Where did you get that?”

“I used to have an Aussie flatmate.”

“That was 15 years ago!”

“Yup and it’s still as good now as it was then.”

Sunday, March 29, 2020

#butt #vss365

“Listen up. Today you’re going to learn the 4 #butt-stroking techniques.”

Joe grinned.

“Stop sniggering at the back, you’re not 13.”

“Hold your rifle by the small of the buttstock in your right hand with the forestock in your left and the butt towards the ground. Now...

Saturday, March 28, 2020

Thursday, March 26, 2020

#vermin #vss365

The pink blobby things don’t feed me enough because if they did they think I wouldn’t keep their living box free from #vermin

I enjoy the chase and the playing and finally the kill and the crunch but vermin taste bad so I mooch food wherever I can and steal if I have to.

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

A simple white loaf


  • 800g strong white bread flour
  • 14g fresh yeast or 7g sachet dried yeast or 7g sachet fast-action dried yeast
  • 2 teaspoons salt
  • 550ml water at 30C/85F
  • 2x1kg bread tins greased with butter or lard (or dairy free alternative)


Place the flour in a large bowl and, if using fast-action dried yeast, stir in the salt thoroughly before adding the fast-action dried yeast

If using fresh yeast or dried yeast, in a small bowl, wet the yeast with a little warm water and stir it ot a cream. Add the remaining water, then add this mixture to the flour. Mix well together.

Tip the mixture onto a clean worktop. Knead for 10-15 minutes until the dough is shiny and elastic. Don't worry if it sticks to your hands initially; just keep cleaning them with a plastic scraper. try  not to add a significant quantity of extra flour to prevent the dough from sticking - this will only make the dough firm up and dry slightly.

Put the dough back in the bowl and cover with a damp cloth. Leave the dough to rise at a warm, but not hot, room temperature for 1-2 hours until it has doubled in size.

Turn out the dough onto a lightly floured worktop and knead it for 2-3 minutes to even it out. Divide the dough into two equal portions. Knead each lightly to form a cylinder that has a crease at its base. Place in the tins crease down and cover them with a damp tea towel. Leave the loaves to rise at the same warm room temperature for 45-60 minutes until they have doubled in size -- this will be when the dough just mounds over the rim of the tins by 1-2 cm.

Preheat the oven to 220C/425F/Gas 7 and adjust the shelves so that the loaves have room to rise.

When  the oven is hot, remove the tea towel and sprinkle the loaves with a little flour. Carefully slice a shallow groove along the centre of each loaf. Place in the oven and bake for 20 minutes, then turn the loaves around so that they cook evenly. Reduce the temperature to 180c/350F/gas 4 and bake for a further 20-25 minutes

The loaves are ready if they sound hollow when tapped on the base

Turn the loaves out onto a wire rack and allow them to cool fully before using.

Perfect Vegan Soda Bread Recipe


  • 250 g plain white flour
  • 150 g wholemeal flour
  • 50 g oats (plus extra to scatter on top)
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda (baking soda, not baking powder)
  • 300 ml neutral tasting dairy free milk (Alpro Unsweetened Oat Milk is my favourite)
  • 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar (or lemon juice, or white wine vinegar)
If you really don't like the brown-white mix, this works well with 350g white, 50g brown, 50g oats


  1. Preheat the oven to 220C / 200C fan / gas mark 7 / 425F. Lightly Dust a baking tray with flour.
  2. Mix all the dry ingredients together thoroughly. 
  3. Add the oat milk and vinegar, and stir to combine.
  4. Keep stirring until the ingredients come together as a dough, then squidge together to form a ball.
  5. Place the ball of dough on your baking tray and cut a deep cross in the centre. This is really important as it helps the centre of the bread to cook properly – so cut nice and deep, almost to the bottom.
  6. If you wish, you can dust the loaf with a little flour and a sprinkle of oats, then place the bread in your preheated oven for 30 minutes.
  7. That's it, take it out, cool it on a rack. Enjoy

Sunday, March 08, 2020

#spark #vss365 #guru

In a cave, up a mountain, it gets deadly cold. He had a knife but no flint, matches or magnifying glass. The guru used chocolate to polish the base of a soda can to use as a mirror and lit some tinder. 

“Huh,” he thought, “Turns out you can start a fire without a #spark.“

Saturday, March 07, 2020

#patch #vss365 #poem

There is a #patch of ground 
Whereon no flowers grow 
Underneath, the bones remain 
Of those dead long ago 
They didn’t die in battle 
Fighting wars in foreign lands 
They were killed by corona virus 
Because they wouldn’t wash their hands

Friday, March 06, 2020

#seventeen #vss365 #haiku

Gaijin write haiku
Think #seventeen syllables
Poetic beauty

bonus #vss365
Well she was just #seventeen
You know what I mean
And the way she looked
Was way beyond compare
I’ve been arrested by the police
‘Cause they caught me stalking her

with apologies to Lennon & McCartney

Thursday, March 05, 2020

#tribute #vss365

Dear Diary, 
Escaped being held hostage in some crazy woman’s basement. No clue as to who she is nor why she kidnapped me. Sad to say she scared me so much I screamed whenever she approached. #Tribute to the police though, they promise to find her. #CarribeanHolidayRuined

     Steph @StephiSimone · Mar 5

     Dear Diary, 
     Today I decided to pay #tribute to my stalker 
     He’s followed me for so long It was only right to thank him 
     So I stalked him back, 
     Kidnapped him and 
     Tied him up in my basement 
     He was shocked 
     And screamed every time I got close 
     So I think he liked my gesture #vss365

Wednesday, March 04, 2020

#seagull #vss365

Satisfied everything worked and the experiment was written up properly, Jean worked extra at the weekend to ride the mind of a #seagull

She climbed, dived, barrel rolled and even looped-the-loop. 

On Monday morning they found her with a huge grin on her cold, dead face.

Tuesday, March 03, 2020

#whitecaps #vss365

It was dangerous. You could lose your mind. Jean tried to tell herself that she was only doing it for research but nothing she had ever experienced beat the thrill of sharing the consciousness of a storm petrel as it swooped low above the #whitecaps near the cliffs

Monday, March 02, 2020

#Atlantic #vss365 #Chris #space

A single tear escaped her eye and ran into Chris’ ear as she rolled the Goshawk SuperHeavy rocket down range, eastwards above the #Atlantic. The dying Earth was still beautiful & the ocean glittered in the sunlight. One of the last to witness it she felt homesick already.

Sunday, March 01, 2020

#bridging #vss365 #gareth #space

#Bridging the gap between two points in spacetime took phenomenal amounts of power. The wormholes created by Einstein-Rosen bridges were unstable and still took time to traverse with the risk of collapse increasing with the cube of time spent. It gave Gareth the willies.

No Fuss, Lacto Free, Two Ingredient Bagel Recipe

Ingredients 245g Tesco Lactose free Greek Yoghurt 210g Self Raising Flour Method Preheat oven to 180C Sift the flour into a big ...